Thank you for reading this

I am grossed out by my leg

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:09:54 -0500

I have self-diagnosed ring worm on my leg. Which is way gross, true, but I feel less gross knowing it’s just a fungus and not a worm that’s in my leg (thank you Internet!). Anyway, I bought “tuff-actin’” Tinactin which should work. But, like, gross, right? I can’t help but feel like my leg has an STD or something. And I can’t help but point it out to Nat every night. Because you know what’s sexy? Having your girlfriend point out her ringworm every time you get into bed. I honestly can’t help it. I’m obsessed. Where did it come from? Is my leg doing something that it shouldn’t be? Did I get it from a towel at the gym or is it coming from our water supply? But I’m not obsessed enough that I will make an appointment with my dermotologist as that guy always makes me feel so guilty about shit like sunscreen and the fact that I drink red wine even though I have roscea.

"Why would I tell you my blog domain? I never update it anymore. That’s like me handing you a..."

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:07:59 -0400

““Why would I tell you my blog domain? I never update it anymore. That’s like me handing you a Time magazine from 2008.””

- Me, to a fellow journalist last night when he asked for my blog address.

Spam that's an eerily good description of me

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:06:25 -0400

Hello!!!
How your mood? I very much would like to know you better… I would like to write to you a
little about myself… To me of 30 years. I the brunette, very cheerful and beautiful woman…

If you wanted me the nobility better can write only to my personal email.

I hope you to me will write about myself.

Why my life is complicated....

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:38:00 -0400

….When you are a funny, artistic person (or at least think you are) you sometimes find yourself dating other funny, artistic people. And those funny, artistic people might have a funny, artistic name for their dog. And such is the case of my life, and how I have come to be the adopted mother of Dr. Lance Pemberton, III (aliases: “Doc,” “The Doctor,” “Lancer,” “Dr. P,” “Don’t eat that. No! Are you fucking kidding me! Don’t you think about putting that in your mouth! Don’t you even … shit!”

So I present to you the following conversation I just had with my groomer.

Groomer: What is your dog’s name?

Me: Dr. Pemberton

Groomer: What? I mean your dog’s name.

Me: It’s Dr. Pemberton.

Groomer: Oh. Well, let me look to see if he’s in our database (pause). How do you spell that?

Me: P-E-M-B-E-R-T-O-N

Groomer: No, he doesn’t seem to be in our database.

Me: Well, maybe check under his first name?

Groomer: And what would that be?

Me: Lance.

Groomer: Spell that?

Me: L-A-N-C-E.

Groomer: Nope, not there either. What’s your name?

Me: Dorothy Robinson

Groomer: No, not there. Anyone else he might be under?

Me: My boyfriend, Brewster Scott?

Groomer: (Pause) … last name Brewster?

Me: No, that’s his first. His last name is Scott.

Groomer: (pause) No, not here.

Me: Well, his nickname is Nat.

Groomer: The dog’s?

Me: No, my boyfriend.

Groomer: (Pause).

Me: (laughing) How about I just come in and we’ll put him in the database then?

Groomer: Sounds good.

Sometimes I think

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 23:17:34 -0400

… I do not have the patience or the ambition to be creative. That, and I love money.

…I should have gotten my MBA instead of writing a book.

…That I should have listened to my father’s advice: Don’t smoke. Don’t gamble. And don’t become a writer. I always felt quite proud that I at least took one of those maxims to heart.

…That I’m feeling sorry for myself in writing this post.

Dear reader, I’m quite happy to be a writer. Quite. But I just wish that I had that creative drive again. I feel like I’m all tapped out. I need some help. I want the feeling that makes me want to make something. Instead, everything almost feels like a chore. Does anyone have any advice on how to get out of a creative rut? On how to feel alive again by writing?

From The Word today...

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 11:09:48 -0400

Meating his maker
Some sad news for our readers today: The Associated Press reports that Oscar G. Mayer died on Monday at the age of 95. Mayer was chairman of the Oscar Mayer meat processing company and the grandson of the man who started the brand. Although we’re sure that Mayer relished his life, quite frankly it’s no surprise that his age finally did ketchup.

Death truly does stalk us all

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 17:53:41 -0400

You know what’s depressing? Aging. Look at Mickey Rourke’s beautiful 80s face. Just look at it. And then think about what he looks like now. It gives me shudders to imagine what James Franco will look like in twenty years. I really hope he’s boning everything in sight.

Oy

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:06:20 -0400

I sometimes think that blogs are like that friend you had a long time ago that guilt trips you when you don’t keep in touch. And when you finally do, they’re like kind of passive agressive, like, “Well, if you had e-mailed me three months ago, you would know what is going on in my life.” And then it gets to that point that you don’t even want to write because you feel so guilty that you haven’t been in touch that it’s easier just to forget it.

So that’s where I am.

But, of course, blogs can’t guilt trip you. I just feel guilty. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m getting paid for this, I just do it to keep my friends entertained. Anyway, this is my olive branch to my blog — I hope to keep this updated more often, but that’s not a promise. I’m BUSY. Get off my nuts, blog thing-a-ma-gig.

"Being able to give birth to two healthy babies is joyful for Jameson, a devout Catholic."

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:18:36 -0400

“Being able to give birth to two healthy babies is joyful for Jameson, a devout Catholic.”

- From an Us Weekly press release today, on porn star Jenna Jameson giving birth to twins.

woefullymisinformed: This video is everywhere, yeah.

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:08:18 -0400

woefullymisinformed:

This video is everywhere, yeah.

At least she used an emoticon...

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 19:58:05 -0500

I had to laugh and shake my head regarding the hatred that you have for the one and only King of Pop. Your uneducated comment about MJ not having fans anymore almost made me laugh. I am one of million upon million of loyal, diehard fans of Michael. To call us “gawkers” because you cannot accept the fact that after everything MJ has went through, he is still popular is an insult. Those fans that were out there for Michael were truly fans. The gawker is people like you who waste paper talking about a man that you do not really care for. I often wondered the root of a hater of Michael Jackson. I figure that you are either a jealous Madonna or Prince fan who cannot stand the fact that Michael is still important in the music industry and popular culture. The man is one of the few original artists that is left in the corrupt music business. A business that promotes has been acts like Prince and Madonna and try to destroy real musical acts like Michael and Whitney Houston. Michael’s return to performing is proof that he is not going to let terrible press and laughable haters define his legacy and way of life. If Madonna and Prince went through 20% of what Michael went through, they would have never recovered. I often wondered why Prince and Madonna never went through a scandal and Michael did. Is it because their handlers were friends with the media and told them to not trash their beloved “stars” in the press? I think that is the case. Before you make laughable assumptions about Michael Jackson, know the facts. You can “sigh” all you want to because Michael Jackson is not going anywhere and he is a legend. There are a lot of people that are going to go to London and see the greatest modern day performer to even grace the stage perform. I can’t say the same about two legends who took the careers of the Rick James and Cyndi Lauper, respectfully, and made a mockery out of them. They are lucky that they made it this far in their careers to even be talked about. Michael always been original and sticked to the plan. He did not need to take someone’s career and mock it. Let me end this e-mail by saying this: when I was on my way to work this morning, I saw the “newspaper” that you “work” for on the street in West Philadelphia slowing becoming litter. Michael Jacksons’ work was and will never be on the street to become litter. That is the main difference between what you are about and what MJ is about. Michael is not define by lies, rumors and false accusations, he is defined by his work and impact. You are defined by lies, corruption, manipulation and utter nonsense. What a waste you are. As a wise man once stated so well, “This is IT!” Oh yes, I am planning to go to the concerts in London. :) Yours truly, Belinda O. Philadelphia

Pop-pop and Clemens on the island. I love this pic.

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:46:25 -0500

Pop-pop and Clemens on the island. I love this pic.

slaughterhouse90210: “Do not let the bastards grind you...

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:32:08 -0500

slaughterhouse90210:

“Do not let the bastards grind you down.”

—Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale

And more...

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:31:22 -0500

Why must critics be so mean-spirited? I don’t think it’s funny and
it certainly isn’t cute. Your comments reek of jealousy. You can say
what you want, but we all know who has the real talent. I’m sure you
couldn’t hold a candle to Mr. Jackson’s talent. How many Grammys
have you won; how many hit songs have you written or performed so that
you can become a judge of real talent? It’s seems it’s always the
ones with the least talent that are the most critical.

If Mr. Jackson is performing, we, the public, can decide for ourselves
if we want to see him or if we feel his talent has been diminished with
time. We don’t need you to always be telling us what’s worthwhile
and what is not, especially someone that is not even old enough to have
witnessed his historic rise to fame.

My readers do not get irony (ie: more hate mail)

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 10:38:03 -0500

Here is my Word for today:

Michael Jackson is trying for a comeback on the stage of London’s O2 arena. In front of thousands of fans (does Jackson even have fans anymore, or are they just gawkers?) it was announced on Thursday that the 50-year-old has planned 10 performances at the venue this July in hopes of netting the financially troubled star millions and maybe recapturing the hearts of those who have written him off as, well, a freak.Can you even imagine how awful those concerts, named “This Is It,” are going to be? Jackson doesn’t even have a nose anymore. (That isn’t a joke. He really doesn’t have a nose.)Can’t we just let these people who have been so scarred and damaged by the entertainment industry retire and live in peace?Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re getting ready for “Siegfried & Roy: The Magic Returns,” airing at 9 p.m. on Friday on ABC.

And here is the hatemail for your enjoyment:

Michael Jackson is the “King of Pop” whether you like it or not. Its a shame to see headlines like yours. Leave Michael alone already. He has to do what he has to do to continue living, just like you and me. He is and always will be #1. Do you realize how awful you sound by saying his concerts are going to be awful? This is a man who is so RIGHTFULLY titled, the “KING”. You better recognize this musical genious and the history he has made along with his charitable contributions to the world. Please don’t act like you never enjoyed
Michael’s music.

Siegried and Roy? Oh please! Didn’t they get enough the first time around? They may be back and hungry to perform again, but those tigers are back too and even hungrier than the dumb duo.

At age 50, along with his operations, he looks better than you do! Now that’s sad!

Just how many ice cream puns can one segment make? (via...

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:00:21 -0500

Just how many ice cream puns can one segment make?

(via woefullymisinformed)

Things I'm doing this weekend that I wouldn't have been excited about doing 5 years ago

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:51:00 -0500

1. Seeing a play with Jane Fonda in it.

2. Going to the farmer’s market to buy expensive cheese.

3. Getting my squeeky windshield wiper replaced.

4. Going for a walk in Prospect Park with my dog.

5. Brunch!

6. Flipping the mattress!

7. Going to the tailor.

6. Applying for AARP benefits, apparently.

woefullymisinformed: Click the picture for something vital and...

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 11:07:27 -0500

woefullymisinformed:

Click the picture for something vital and alive.

I hate Bono. There. I said it. Sorry, everyone, in, like, the...

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:25:00 -0500

I hate Bono. There. I said it. Sorry, everyone, in, like, the whole wide world who thinks he is a demi-God. On the upside, everytime I see or hear him, I am reminded of this, which makes me smile.

Just in case you wanted to know how this whole thing happened.

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 14:27:06 -0500

Just in case you wanted to know how this whole thing happened.